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100 Things I Learned From Magic the Gathering August 15, 2009

Posted by James in : all, random , trackback

Updated August 16, 2009 with 50 more ideas.

Magic has much to teach us. Here are the first 100 things that come to mind:

  1. Robots are creatures.
  2. Walls made out of fire or stone are creatures.
  3. Creatures can function perfectly well, even after sustaining severe injuries.
  4. God-like wizards can’t fight anyone in hand to hand combat.
  5. Many regular wizards can’t cast spells unless a god-like wizard draws power from the landscape to empower the regular wizards.
  6. When regular wizards cast spells, they aren’t really spells.
  7. Spells are really only spells when they are cast from a spell book.
  8. It takes an entire spell book to cast a single spell. But it only takes a few moments to read the book. This is probably because there is only a single sentence written in the book.
  9. A Wall of Fire often can’t hurt people, even if they trample through it.
  10. Sometimes a Wall of Stone is afraid to block someone.
  11. Some people are so sneaky that no one can find them. You can’t even stand right in front of the person the sneaky person is attacking to stop it from happening.
  12. A person who is sneaky enough can sneak past a Wall of Stone.
  13. If a lightning bolt spell targets a person covered in solid ice, but the lightning bolt is countered, the ice cage will shatter immediately anyway.
  14. A wall of stone can decide it doesn’t agree to violence anymore. It simply endorses the nonviolent principal and becomes a pacifist.
  15. Some creatures are so poisonous that they harm god-like wizards, but all other creatures are completely immune to the poison.
  16. Fire harms a wall made out of stone just as much as it harms a wall made out of wood.
  17. Fire harms a wall made out of fire just as much as it harms a wall made out of wood.
  18. A gorgon (medusa) can turn people into stone. And it can turn a wall of stone into stone. That kills the wall of stone, of course.
  19. A wall of stone can be terrified to death.
  20. A dragon can burn an entire army of dragons to death, but a little skeleton could survive that attack.
  21. Some vampires can suck the blood out of Obsidian Golems and Walls of Stone to become more powerful.
  22. Some vampires can turn a Wall of Stone into an ally.
  23. If a wall of stone decides it wants to be your friend instead of an opponent’s friend, then it walks on over next to you and helps you out.
  24. Some goblins become giant muscle men as long as it is friends with a faerie.
  25. Some apes become giant muscle-bound gorillas as long as a friend owns a forest.
  26. Many sea animals can jump out of the water and run at people.
  27. Almost no merfolk care to be in water.
  28. Telepathy allows you to see what books and places a person is carrying around.
  29. Clairvoyance gives you telepathy for one second.
  30. People shuffle all the books, mountains, islands, and other landscapes in their library quite often.
  31. Prophecy just lets you see a book or landscape in someone else’s library.
  32. A portant is what many people thought was “an indication of something important or calamitous about to occur; an omen.” However, it actually just lets you look at a few books (or landscapes) in your library and put them back. If you don’t like them, then you can shuffle all the books in your library around.
  33. Nothing can jump in the way of a person who knows how to ride a horse well enough except someone else with equal skill.
  34. Some earthquakes can’t hurt people who know how to ride horses well.
  35. Soldiers aren’t warriors.
  36. Spellshapers aren’t wizards.
  37. A lot of spells don’t do what they say they do.
  38. Zodiac Dragons aren’t as powerful as a lot of people think they are.
  39. Many basilisk can kill you just by looking at you, unless you are a god-like wizard.
  40. Many basilisks can’t look at you when they jump in front of you.
  41. You used to get hurt if you drew power from the landscape without using it quickly, but not anymore.
  42. Power Surge used to be a pretty powerful spell, but the laws of the universe have changed in such a way as to almost render it powerless.
  43. Braids of Fire used to be a pretty weak spell, but the laws of the universe have changed in such a way as to almost render it powerful.
  44. Many wizards forget what happens in the universe and this causes those things to not happen. The universe depends on the mind of others within the universe.
  45. You can never have another wizard’s book unless it becomes an artifact.
  46. You can never bury another wizard’s friends in your graveyard, even if they become your friend.
  47. Most spell books are used to cast spells, but others called “Spell Book” just let you carry around a ton of books.
  48. Many spells were invented to take your spell books away from you and tear them to pieces.
  49. Sometimes wizards make a library out of random books that are passed around a table. That is a civilized way to prepare to kill each other.
  50. Books, creatures, landscapes, and artifacts are all restored to perfect quality and health as soon as a wizard decides to fight another wizard.
  51. If you are scared of something, you can’t jump in front of it.
  52. Walls can jump in front of people. For example, Walls made out of Stone or Bones.
  53. Birds, elephants, and snakes can use human armor and weapons.
  54. You can’t run at someone to attack them unless they are a godlike being with the ability to cast spells using the landscape (or another godlike being who is loyal to such a person).
  55. Lightning can’t destroy electronic devices.
  56. Some fire can’t hurt animals or walls, and other kinds of fire can only hurt animals and walls (while forests and brushlands remain untouched by the fire).
  57. Sinkholes destroy entire Mountains into nothingness, but they can be rebuilt by Cartographers (map makers).
  58. Mountains, Forests, and every other kind of landscape is put into a graveyard after they are destroyed.
  59. Most wizards only know one spell.
  60. Whenever you brainstorm, you take a few books from a library, but then you have to put two books back into the library.
  61. People that are excommunicated from a church turn into a book and are put into a library.
  62. swords to plowsharesAnything can be exiled from the land, such as Mountains and equipment. They aren’t allowed to come back.
  63. Every human has a job, but every other kind of person (Elves, Goblins, Merfolk) sometimes feel satisfied to have no job.
  64. If you change your personality enough, you split into two. Your new personality can meet your older personality.
  65. Most people are easily lost in the crowed, but other people are unique. Two of the same unique person can come into existence, but they will both die unless they have sufficiently different personalities.
  66. Whenever god-like wizards meet each other, they get fully healed, but they start out powerless. They must attach themselves to the landscape one piece at a time to gain power.
  67. Whenever you cast a spell from a book, the book is destroyed or it is transformed into a creature.
  68. When creatures are destroyed, they are transformed into ruined spell books and are kept in a graveyard.
  69. Some wizards can memorize a spell, but the most powerful wizards can only cast spells from spell books.
  70. Some wizards can cast powerful spells without any magic power, but the most powerful wizards can only cast terribly weak spells without magic power.
  71. God-like wizards have to have at least 40 books in their library. (Actually, landscapes count as books.)
  72. God-like wizards can usually only take one book out of their library given a certain arbitrary increment of time.
  73. God-like wizards die when they look for a book in their library and there are no books left in their library.
  74. God-like wizards have to try to get a book from their library given the certain arbitrary increment of time, even if they know it will kill them to do so.
  75. God-like wizards can’t usually look for a book in their library. They usually have to take a book at random.
  76. Tutors can often help wizards find a book from their library.
  77. When you get a wish fulfilled, you can only wish for a book found in your secret stash of books.
  78. God-like wizards can be harmed for a long period of time, but most creatures are completely healed after a certain arbitrary increment of time.
  79. Almost all creatures get tired after running at someone to attack them and refuse to fight until a certain arbitrary increment of time.
  80. A wolf is just as powerful as a group of grizzly bears.
  81. A bear cub is just as powerful as a group of grizzly bears.
  82. Two insects can kill a group of grizzly bears.
  83. Most goblins are equally powerful, but a group of Goblin raiders have a hard time killing a single normal goblin.
  84. Some goblins die as soon as a dwarf tries to be friends with them.
  85. Several groups of regular Kobolds are just as dangerous as a single regular Kobold.
  86. Getting three books from your library from the magic energy provided by a single island is completely awesome.
  87. You can’t attack several people in hand to hand combat unless you kill one person first, and then another, and so forth. This is a new problem with combat that never happened until recently.
  88. Most giant creatures, such as Craw Wurms, get distracted by a single squirrel and stomp on it repeatedly.
  89. Snakes and serpents are totally different kinds of creatures.
  90. The best way to kill someone is to repeatedly use attacks as similar to lightning bolts as possible. Sort of like Emporer Palpatine.
  91. You can only attach yourself to the landscape around you by keeping it in your library. You find the landscape just like any other book in your library.
  92. You can usually only grab weapons and armor when a god-like wizard spends the required magic energy to allow you to do so.
  93. You can usually only grab weapons and armor at a certain arbitrary moment during the day.
  94. Some weapons can be endlessly tossed back and forth between individuals without taking up any time.
  95. Perpetual motion machines are possible.
  96. Although some of the oldest spells are the most powerful, there is a general scientific progress made and spells tend to get better as time goes on.
  97. The most powerful spells are either forbidden, or you are only allowed to have one of them in your library.
  98. Many god-like wizards make a spell book library based on the best publicly known libraries they can find on the internet.
  99. The most powerful flower in the world is the black lotus. It isn’t too rare, but it can give a god-like wizard an incredible amount of power. However, wizards never carry these flowers around with them and only get them by casting a spell that creates one.
  100. A god-like wizard can help another, but such a person usually refuses to use power drawn from the landscape. Instead, he or she can cast one of three spells given a certain arbitrary increment of time.

excommunicate

Comments»

1. alexgcuevas - August 16, 2009

Cages made of ice can imprison and incapacitate beings of pure fire

2. michael - August 16, 2009

#95 could be expanded to say you can generate something from nothing. http://magiccards.info/on/en/64.html is a perpetual motion machine. But you can make combos that go on forever and actually advance the game state by doing something each iteration.

3. sweetestsadist - September 19, 2009

You can kill beings made out of fire by burning them.
Although Blue magic controls the air, wind and water, rainstorms are green.
Creatures that fly cannot fly over trees that spiders use to build their webs in.
Assassins, stalkers, and ninjas can all effectively do their job while endlessly screaming. (Endless scream).

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